Why don’t they like me?
Oh my. If I had even a penny for every time I have thought this, I’d be one rich gal.
You see, I’ve always wanted to be liked. I’ve been avoiding conflict and trying not to hurt feelings since I was old enough to know what they were.
I think it’s hard to admit we want people to like us. For those of us who do struggle with self confidence and self-image, it’s a kind of validation. If they like me, then I must be OK right? I must fit in.
I have run my blood to water, and my body mind and soul into the ground just to try to keep people happy. I get extreme anxiety when I think about saying something to someone that may upset them or they may disagree with. The prospect of dealing with that situation just makes me want to crawl into a hole and hide. I HATE it.
Recently, I’ve began to observe other people’s behaviour a lot more. Sadly, a lot of people are self absorbed and frankly oblivious to others feelings. A lot of people say what they want, act how they want, and have no regrets about it either. I fear being that person. I can’t imagine not being able to empathise wholeheartedly with other humans, even if I don’t know them.
There is a fine line between keeping other people happy to your own detriment, being an asshole and only caring about yourself, and sitting somewhere in the middle where you care, but you won’t be walked all over. I feel as though I’ve been in the phase of always trying to please everyone for too long. I’m always apologising, asking if something’s ok, worrying endlessly that I’ve done something wrong. Blaming myself, hating myself, thinking I deserve mistreatment.
The biggest problem with this I feel, is that being a people pleaser means you really aren’t free. If every decision you make is second guessed for fear of what people will think, then how can you truly be free? How can you even know who you are and what you want?
When you think about it, it makes no sense. The people who’s opinions you are troubling yourself with probably wouldn’t offer you the same consideration. If someone is out just to judge you, then why do you care what they think anyway?
The truth is, none of us were put on this earth to be sad and stressed just to make someone else feel good. We were all born different for a reason. That’s not to say that we have the right to be cruel and abusive, because that’s just plain wrong.
Don't lose hope - we can all learn to stand up for ourselves.
Upon thinking about this, I’ve devised a little list of things that I want to remember every time I find myself thinking “why don’t they like me?”
It is not your job to make them like you. Be kind, be true and be real. If they don’t like you after that, then that’s on them.
You CAN’T please everyone. You just can’t. It’s impossible.
Remember that you never know what someone else is thinking. Maybe they do like you. And if they don’t, who cares.
If someone is unkind, or rude, or negative towards you in any way, that isn’t your burden to bear. It’s theirs.
Don’t allow yourself to be walked over. Speak the truth kindly. Stand up for yourself.
Differences are what make life interesting and great.
You are enough. You don’t need validation from anyone.
My goal from here on out is to be aware of others, but not consumed by them. Their thoughts about me are just background noise. I’m the star of the show in my life, and I can direct this production however I like.
I know myself better than anyone, and I know my heart. As do you, and anyone else for that matter. We owe ourselves the mental freedom and happiness to reach our full potential.
Remember “those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter”.
Having confidence in myself allows me to better empathise. It allows me to know when I’ve been wronged or mistreated and know where to draw the line and set boundaries.
Your mind is a place of sanctuary. I know that seems hard to believe given how much crap is always floating around in there, but it is. It’s YOUR space, where dreams are made and lessons realised. It’s the place where you get to know you. Let that space be an open book.
If standing up for yourself means creating awkwardness or upsetting someone, then so be it. You have to be your own advocate. I would never ever ever want to hurt anyone, but if they have mistreated me or someone I love, then I have every right to stand my ground.
Believe in you. Try to ignore those who don’t share your vision. Try to embrace everyone you can. Those who judge are often judging themselves too and feeling very unhappy.
Just had to get this down.
World, I’m coming for ya.
Until next time,
Estelle x
