Before I even write anything on this topic, I would like to put out a disclaimer. Everyone's experience with mental health and the treatments and medications surrounding it is different. Something that works for one person may not work for another. Just because someone has a negative experience with something doesn't mean that you will too. All I aim to do is share my own experiences honestly, with the hope that someone might relate, or learn from what I have gone through. I am not a medical professional, and I urge you to always follow the advice of a physician you trust. This post is about my own experience with Mental Health Medication, and does not mean you should change anything in your own treatment without talking to your doctor.
So, what propels me to write this?
In the last few days, I feel as though I have discovered a completely untapped world of the dangers and withdrawl effects of certain mental health treatment medications.
For 3 years now, I have been on Sertraline, also known as Zoloft for depression and anxiety. It has been a gradual uphill journey, jumping up every six months or so to a higher and higher dose of this medication.I figured it was just wearing off, or that my mind was fighting back with it's seemingly incessant need to tear me down.
I never wanted to be on medication. Watching my Mum go through cancer treatment, and the effects of some of the drugs she was placed on was enough to put me off completely. It was frightening, what drugs can do to a persons body and mind. It disturbed me, but then again, a lot of my childhood did.
My decision to take Sertraline came after I had just had enough of suffering. If you've read any of my past blog posts, you may have seen me share some of my earlier struggles, and ups and downs. I'd struggled for so long, and I just wanted some relief. It felt like my only option.
I honestly felt as though I needed these pills to have a chance at survival. It sounds dramatic, but I was drowning. I didn't know what else to do. For this reason, I do not regret my decision, and I still believe it was what I needed at the time.
One thing I do regret, is not being fully informed about the side effects of taking this drug, and withdrawal symptoms you experience should you try to stop taking it. This drug was described to me by my doctor "As a mild depression drug" and a "leg up" for those suffering. I was told side effects were minimal and that most people don't get them anyway. I was told it was just seratonin, a chemical my body makes anyway and needs to function. This made me feel safe. How bad could it be?
Lets talk about dependency.
The first taste I got of this was when I forgot to take my pills, and I started to feel really weird. I didn't like it, but figured it was a sign that I really did need these drugs to feel OK. I couldn't wait to get to the pharmacy and get them. I needed relief. "I really am crazy" I thought "Look at how I get without these pills." and so I took them, and I felt better.
It was only 3 years later, and very recently, that my doctor suggested I try to get off of Sertraline, and try a new type of antidepressant. Clearly, the Sertraline wasn't working for me anymore, so I needed to try something new.
Doctors always advise to come off of most drugs gradually, especially "Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors" (SSRI's) such as Sertraline, and other drugs like Prozac and Paxil. These drugs (In a nutshell) work to increase serotonin levels in the brain.
According to Drugs.com:
"The nerves in the brain communicate with each other by one nerve releasing serotonin and the next nerve absorbing the serotonin. Any extra serotonin that is left over is taken up by the nerve that released it which lowers the amount of serotonin available. The SSRIs stop the original nerve from “reuptaking” the serotonin so that there is more serotonin available for the second nerve to absorb. In depression and other related disorders by increasing the serotonin between the nerve endings results in messages being able to be sent more effectively."
Great, you might think. That seems fairly safe doesn't it?
But what happens if you try to stop taking this drug?
First of all, stopping this drug cold turkey is NOT A GOOD IDEA. This will magnify any side effects because your body will have no time to adjust to not having the drug it's become dependent on.This is the reason stopping this drug is gradual.
But do not be fooled. Stopping this drug is not a pleasant experience even if it's gradual. There are multiple side effects including irritability, nausea, feeling dizzy, vomiting, nightmares, headache, and/or paresthesias (prickling, tingling sensation on the skin), and reoccurence of depression, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts and more.
I can vouch for this from my own personal experience.
Since just lowering my dose of this drug, I have felt awful. My mood has been completely out of wack. I'm exhausted. My whole body aches. I have headaches, and the whole left side of my body is numb and tingling. I feel hot and clammy, and then freezing cold. I have muscle spasms and twitches, and sudden pains shooting up my neck, arms, and legs. I think honestly though, the worst withdrawl effect is the desire to take the drug again. To stop these awful feelings.
But the side effects while being on the drug weren't exactly a walk in the park. Mood swings, weight gain and bloating were just a few. I mean, it was bearable, and nothing I couldn't handle for (what I thought was) the sake of my mental health. What I really have a hard time dealing with though, is that it feels as though my body is addicted to this drug. I was told categorically, that this medication was not addictive at all. Maybe it technically isn't, but anything that a person feels they HAVE to take to get relief of withdrawl symptoms, seems like it's pretty addictive to me. If only to avoid the horrible feelings of the withdrawl.
Is this ok?
What surprises me, is that from my research on forums and online, it seems as though many sufferers are advised to go back on the drug because it's "evident they need it."
Daniel Smith, a professor of psychiatry and researcher into bipolar disorder at the University of Glasgow states:
"It can be hard to work out which symptoms relate to the drug use and which to the underlying conditions. There’s obviously an issue of cause and effect. How can we be certain the SSRI caused it?"
on theguardian.com someone who has also experienced withdrawal from this drug states:
"I immediately became incredibly unwell. I thought I was losing my mind. I was going to work, but it was difficult to get through the day. My mouth was so dry, I was constantly drinking water. I had bizarre thoughts – not hallucinations – that were frightening or distressing. I had a strong sense of detachment from reality."
There are endless acounts just like this one. Seemingly infinate numbers of people suffering from awful withdrawal symptoms from Sertraline.
Doesn't seem quite like the mild, safe drug they tell you it is.
My doctor never said a word to me about any of this.
Why? I would like to know.
Is it lack of awareness? Do medical professionals disbelieve their patients experiences? Is anybody looking into this?
I was shocked to discover that as of 2016, the manufacturing company behind Zoloft, Pfizer, has made $52.82 BILLION in revenue. We're quite the herd of cash cows aren't we?
The Citizens Commission On Human Rights says:
"Financial ties are common between psychiatrists, doctors and drug companies. In return for their investment, “scientific” studies are done promoting and “discovering” mental illnesses as a biological fact so that the door is open to treat with antidepressants and other psychotropic drugs. This is how the chemical imbalance theory came about. Supposedly those with depression have something wrong with their brain chemistry that affects mood. Dr. David Healy, a leading psychiatrist in the United Kingdom, has been studying this theory for decades and has found no evidence of any such theory. The chemical imbalance theory is just a front to make the patient think his depression is based on something scientific and to get him onto antidepressants."
The idea that this could be the truth frightens me.
I feel as though I have been duped.
Are we all just pawns in their money-making game? Are the mentally ill being exploited for money by the very people they trust to help them?
I don't know about you, but this has definitely got me thinking.
I will not allow myself to be taken in by this any longer. I promise to myself that I will be more aware, have more of a voice, and I will do my research before I take anything.
Like I said above, I don't regret my decision to take antidepressants. They helped me. But in the long run, are they doing more harm than good? I know that right now, trying to wean myself off of this drug feels impossible. I wish I would have been warned that this was something I may face.
This post is not written with any judgement. I just want to share my experiences, and hopefully inform others. I feel as though this should be researched way more, considering so many people around the world are being prescribed these drugs.
I have spent the last few days in bed. I've felt helplessly depressed, and my body is weak.
However, i'm pushing through, and if nothing else these drugs helped me get through some very hard times, and the whole thing has definitely been a learning experience.
If you're going through this, you're not alone.
Until next time,
Estelle x
P.s Look at my Angel in this picture. She knows I am struggling. This is why I love my dogs so much. Forever thankful.
